Then it started again with a month to go.
Then again this morning, knowing my flight to the sun is just 2 weeks away.
Yep, I bet you’ve been there too. The obsession with being Beach Ready.
So this morning while walking the dogs I mentally planned my crash diet and over the top training plan.
I stopped at Sainsburys on the way home and stocked up on ‘healthy’ stuff like Kale that I planned to live on for the next two weeks.
I even made a green smoothie for my breakfast. With Kale.
I was standing in the shower waiting for my St Tropez in shower self tan lotion to develop when the ridiculousness of the situation hit me.
I am who I am.
I am nearly 40, and no longer look like the 20 year old me.
And that’s a good thing!
I might look longingly back at my 20 year old body with the skinny waist and the now mythical thigh gap…..
But today I thought instead about what 20 year old me would think of 40 year old me.
And I think she would be pretty damn proud.
My 40 year old body has been with me through things my 20 year old body would not have believed possible.
In the last 20 years I have been fortunate to live in Luxembourg and Portugal. I’ve been a world class archer and met some amazing people along the way. I’ve owned my own businesses. And I’ve been happily married to a man I have been proud to call my partner and my best friend for nearly 20 years.
If I had known at 20 what was to come I think I would have been happy and excited for the future me.
And would I care about the bigger thighs and wobbly bits? No.
Yes, I still believe in striving to be a better me…… to be fitter and stronger and healthier. To help people. To love. To travel. To learn. To do the things I want to do, even if they are scary. To live.
But what is not important is trying everything and anything to have a slightly better body for the beach.
I am already beach ready.
If I could have my 20 year old body back tomorrow in exchange for the last 20 years of my life? No deal!
I have my flip flops, my bikini and a stack of reading to catch up on.
Bring on the beach!